Home School Life

Can I just say that I love the IRS?

I know many people just dread tax season, but around here I check my mailbox for W2’s daily so I can file as soon as possible. I think a camera may finally be in my future.

Lots is happening around here. Big decisions are being made about next school year. We’re starting to clean out drawers and cupboards in case a move is in our future. Eighth grade graduation is approaching, with high school right around the corner. Middle school for the girl. My little Leo is now reading solidly and will be in third grade in the fall. No little kids left in my house, though somehow this doesn’t quite mean I have more time on my hands. Funny how those big kids are demanding in a different way. I feel the pressure of being their model more strongly than ever and I find myself having very conscious conversations, trying to show them how to walk that fine line between non-judgmental acceptance and clarity in one’s own convictions. Tricky when this is something I struggle with myself.

My inward search for my next class of students is palpable. I go to sleep every night with this question, but the answer has not yet come. I sometimes have flashes of knowing, but I’m still waiting for that ultimate certainty. Despite my eagerness, I know there is still time.

For now I’ll knit, clean house, and read — knowing that very soon there won’t be time for these luxurious pasttimes.

Last night homework time rolled around and Alice could not, for the life of her, find her orange homework folder. We turned the house upside-down, called Dad to see if it was at his house and came up empty. Must be at school, we thought.

Tonight, homework time rolls around and I ask Alice if she found her folder and no, couldn’t find it anywhere. I looked at school myself — nuthin’. Again, we turned the house upside-down, called Dad (”are you sure?”) — no luck.

I’ll admit, it was a moment I felt tested and tried as a parent. I was frustrated, sure, but even if I put that aside, what is the appropriate response? The natural consequence believer in me says to let her suffer the consequence of not having her homework at school (study hall? missed recess?). But the teacher in me reminds me that it is a parent’s job to support the child and the teacher by helping to ensure that homework gets done. Also, consequences at home for unfinished schoolwork supports what is happening at school.

So, what did I do? After dinner Alice was sent to her room to tidy and look for her folder until I told her she could come out. Is this an appropriate response? In some ways. It’s definitely a logical consequence (we were trying to find the dang folder, after all). But it wasn’t really a memorable one. She loves her room. She probably would have gone there anyway. But, my children live a pretty simple life — there’s not much to take away (”no handwork for a week!” sounds a bit ridiculous). Maybe I need to start allowing them more privileges just so I have something to take away when I need to! 

 I have a feeling that the real consequence will come tomorrow when all of her classmates get out their homework to turn in and she’s without it.

Maybe after that my easily distracted, forgetful little one will try a little bit harder.

We had a lovely New Year’s Day. It mostly involved lazing about, though we did have a short burst of productivity to take the Christmas tree down. Most years I can’t wait for things to get back to normal after the holidays. The Christmas tree comes down as quickly as humanly possible; I start doing laundry again; the new presents get put away. This year I’ve been trying to hold onto the specialness of the holiday season for a little bit longer, recognizing that the Holy Nights extend right up until the 6th.

But, this weekend the normalcy is upon us. School is looming just two days away. Laundry must be done; groceries must be bought; and last ditch efforts to finish holiday break reading assignments are in action. Still, there’s always time for a game of Chutes and Ladders on the couch with Leo.

It’s a grey day here (as usual), though it is oddly warm.  But despite the balmy temps and my “eat right” resolutions I feel oddly compelled to make this. Heavy cream be damned.

I’m back to the game. Hope I don’t break the cookie jar. Have a great new day.

It is so interesting to me to have these two back to back days, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, that inspire in me to think in two such completely opposite ways. Today feels like a day to look back over the year that was 2009. Though I usually find it much more difficult to look backwards than forwards, if I think of the backwards-looking as serving my forwards-looking I enjoy it much more.

In many ways 2009 has been a difficult year. It was a year of transitions, though not as much as I expect 2010 to be. There were wonderful, celebratory moments (graduating my class in June comes first on my list) and other, more personally challenging moments that don’t need to be mentioned here.

2009 brought me greater opportunity to focus on myself and my personal development than I have had in a long time. This blog, and the self-awareness that it inspires in me, is a big part of that. I am grateful to all of you who read (even if I don’t know who you are, which is kind of strange, isn’t it?) and though I’m finding it challenging to end this post without a single word about looking forward, I’ll end here and save those thoughts for tomorrow.

Last night I attended a Holy Nights gathering with some good friends. We read and shared reflections on a Steiner lecture and generally discussed the significance of the Holy Nights. It was lovely to share this introspective time with others who are holding the Holy Nights with such consciousness.

I’ve heard it said that during the Holy Nights the spiritual world is closer to the earthly world than it is at any other time of year. I’ve held this in my consciousness for some time, but haven’t really understood what it means or how to allow that closeness to come to bear on my life. Last night one of my friends mentioned how significant her sleep life is during this time. When we are sleeping we are closer to the spiritual world than when we are waking and my friend said that she writes all of her dreams down. Once she mentioned this I realized that I have been having quite vivid dreams (and one in particular about the friend who was sharing this practice.) When she mentioned that the 12 Holy Nights line up with the 12 months of the year I was even more inspired to record my dreams.

The rest of our meeting focused on destiny and karma, particularly as they relate to pain and suffering. We spoke about pain and suffering being the catalyst for growth and though we typically bemoan those painful experiences, we really should embrace them for the growth they are inspiring within us.

It was a lovely meeting and I was so grateful for the opportunity to disconnect from the hubbub and connect with something so much more profound. At the end of the gathering we spoke the Christmas meditation, which I just love.

At the turning point of time

the spirit light of the world entered the stream of earthly evolution

Darkness of night had held its sway

Day-radiant light poured into the souls of humankind

Light that gives warmth to simple shepherds’ hearts

Light that enlightens the wise heads of kings

O light divine, O sun of Christ

Warmth thou our hearts

Enlighten thou our heads

That good may become

What from our hearts we would found

And from our heads direct

With single purpose.

Rudolf Steiner

What a lovely holiday we had! We had some interesting philosophical conversations around the dinner table, initiated by my sister, who wanted to hear everyone’s take on the story of the birth of Jesus. She’s considering what aspects of the story to bring to her children and looking for what part of it lives most strongly within her. I was honored when she asked me to tell my nephew the story of Jesus’ birth as his bedtime story that night. So dear.

My other highlight was my present — new tires for my car. I know, not too exciting, but I can’t tell you how thrilled I am! No more tiptoeing around in my car until my tax return comes in! This does free up the money I was planning on spending on the tires to perhaps be spent on something else. . . . Do I dare? We’ll see.

But now it is time for some peaceful solitude. My children are with their father for most of the week and I’m looking forward to doing some meditative puttering around the house.

Each year, I try to use this darkest time, during the 12 Holy Nights to quietly and introspectively look to the coming year. In the next few months my family and I will have some big decisions to make and we’ll need all the help that the spiritual world can give us. During these Holy Nights I hope that the nearness of the spiritual world can help me to contemplate and resolve those questions of destiny.

A little over a week ago I set up an account with Google Analytics, and I just have to rave about it here. It is so cool! Because of this blog tracking service I know that people as far away as India, Norway, and New Zealand have visited my little blog! I know that most of my visitors live in my hometown and that my sister visits my blog a lot!

It tells me how many of the visitors I have are new and how many are returning visitors. It tells me how long, on average, people stay on a page and which pages they’re visiting most. I can even know which browsers people are using.

I find all of this information so satisfying because it is quite easy to feel like I’m posting into a void. I get a few comments, and occasionally someone in my life will reference something on my blog, but other than that I’m just not sure anyone’s reading. But it’s okay. It’s a nice little reminder that the reason I’m doing this is for the benefit of myself and my family. And we really do benefit.

Though I can definitely see how blogging could become an obsession that would chain me to the computer more time than I’d like, in many ways blogging is actually good for me. Keeping this blog is helping me to build a layer of consciousness about my life. Usually I go about my life happily, with little awareness of how I am perceived by others. I’ve realized, though, that it can be quite useful to know how others view me and that by trying to cultivate this awareness I’m just attempting to look at the world (myself) through another’s eyes. Somehow thinking this consciously is much more difficult when it gets personal, but still just as important.

Today we’re headed out to get one more present, then home to make 5! pairs of pajama pants! Think it’ll all happen before dinner? Hmmm. . .

It seemed to David that he heard voices singing in the wind among the olive trees, as though the trees themselves were singing, voices that sang not to the ear but to the soul. ‘He shall feed His flock like a shepherd: He shall gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them.’

I am reading Behold that Star; A Christmas Anthology to my children. Every evening we read and every morning my dearest little Leo wakes up asking me to read the story again. Today we spent the morning cuddled up on the couch reading together the words that live so strongly in his heart.

Noiseless as a mouse he turned to go out again but suddenly the mother in the blue cloak, who must have known all the time that he was there, raised her face and smiled at him, a radiant smile full of promise, and at the same time the man with the gray beard lowered the lantern a little so that it seemed as though the whole manger were enveloped with light, with that Baby at the heart of the light like the sun itself.

He loves the shepherds most of all. The wonder of God and the angels speaking to the simple shepherds captures his imagination and stirs warmth into his heart.

Oh, my dear littlest one, you are a shepherd yourself and I am so grateful to you for helping me to relive the wonder. Together we can be “sore amazed.”

Alice asks me at least three times a day how many days until Christmas. I’m not sure if it’s a memory thing (Calvin would attribute it to the brick that the neighbor kid threw at her head when she was 2) or just wanting confirmation that I wasn’t just tricking her the first time I answered. Whatever the reason, it’s making me very aware that we’re in the home stretch. I’m mostly done shopping for the very modest Christmas we’re having this year, though I have quite a bit of sewing still to do. I decided to make knitted gifts “bonus” presents this year, which makes it okay if something doesn’t get finished in time (which it likely won’t.) I’ve been wanting to post pictures of my projects (I just finished a beaut!) but, well . . . you know.

Today I watched over a few children in aftercare while parents went shopping. We made Christmas cut-out cookies and decorated them. It was great fun and at the end of the day all of the kids were raving about how much fun they’d had. Just as I’d taken the last batch of cookies out of the oven the power went out, so we decorated by the light of the windows, which made for a lovely subdued afternoon. Again, wouldn’t pictures be wonderful? Alas. . .

My biggest, latest news is that I’ve started a new blog called Waldorf Reviews. While I was teaching I was always trying to come up with a way of collecting and organizing the school’s resources. At the beginning of every block I would ask all of the teachers at the school who had taught that block before me what resources they found most valuable. There was almost always just one or two really valuable, prime resources that people used and we always had to go out and hunt down who owned them (the school didn’t always own them so teachers’ personal libraries were raided regularly) and ask if we could borrow them. Finding and using the best information was much harder than it needed to be.

This new blog represents my attempt to do a touch of that organizing on a larger, more public scale. Check it out. And if you’d like to contribute a review, click on the link at the top of the page. I’ve become an Amazon Affiliate so if you buy something from Amazon click there from a link on my page and I get a small slice of the pie.

Back to the workshop.

Tags: baking, blogging, Christmas, holidays, Waldorf education

Ooh, six more days!

Tonight we went to get our tree. I can never get my tree before school gets out, so we always head out the Saturday after school gets out and get it. This usually means that we get a GREAT deal, and this year was no different. We went to a small locally-owned lot where they were willing to deal. When we walked in the teenage son of the owner asked what size we were looking for. I said, “Small, cheap. We’re looking to talk you down on a discount tree.” He said, “Yeah, we’ll do that. We just want to sell as many as possible.” When I told him we wanted to spend $20 he showed me the trees we could choose from. We picked the biggest, most beautiful one and when we realized that I had forgotten to take the car-box off the roof of my car, he offered to deliver it! Awesome! It’s still in the driveway at the moment, while we all finish eating, then we’ll break out the eggnog and Christmas music and pretty it up.

In the meantime I’ve been surfing around looking at potential presents and I am currently coveting something from Lisa Leonard Designs.  Especially this. Or this. Or maybe I should get someone I love this. Really, everything there is so beautiful.

Well, we’re off to do the tree. Crappy iPhone pictures to follow.